When I have sex with my mute Canadian girlfriend and she pays a stadium to translate her sign language

The best part of "Kingsman"... Hanna Alstrom

I'm going to nail this jump!

I'll just throw this pizza into a microwave across the street.

Just when you thought you have seen it all

I need to sit right... here.

When your friends ask you to babysit their spoiled brat.

It's even funnier when 4 of those 8 hours are spent marathoning Netflix or Hulu.

I saw my girlfriend's virtual spin instructor stare into my soul last night.

When you can't remember the bomb code

When I realise I'm gonna be the youngest on our New year party